Tag Archives: slut

The Truth That Makes You Squirm*

Friends,

This past Friday I attended a production at The Staircase called Slut (R)evolution, a one-woman show starring Cameryn Moore.

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At the risk of over-simplifying the subject matter, the performance was an exploration of her sexual development, and showed the progression through sexual awakening, becoming a lesbian, slutting it up in college and becoming straight again (sic.).  I stuck around for a few minutes after the show and spoke briefly with her, and when she asked me what I thought I kind of blurted out that I was extremely uncomfortable for the whole hour and a half.  Rather than be put off or insulted she seemed to take it in stride and asked me why.

My response wasn’t very eloquent and I said something (only half-honest) about the subject matter (BDSM) being very racy for my vanilla sensibilities.  But in reality it wasn’t that at all; free and open access to internet porn has more or less taken the edge off seeing extreme sex, let alone hearing about it.  Rather I felt uncomfortable by just how vulnerable Cameryn made herself.  She really laid herself bare for all to see, and save for a few uneasy laughs at the beginning I was mostly dead quiet throughout the show. It’s hard for me to say what the exact cause of my discomfort was but here were a few things that made me uneasy:

The Backlash Against the Commodity Status of Female Sexuality

Traditionally a woman’s virginity has been viewed as a symbol of her virtue, and while things have relaxed to the point where women can breathe a little bit and have some of that sweet pre-marital, even that has imposed limits.  After all, many of us likely have a number in our heads of how many men is acceptable for a woman to be with (a symptom of our society’s obsession with quantification among other things), and where does that leave women who go past that number?  There is an amorphous, poorly-defined line which seems to widen and narrow arbitrarily which a woman must walk if she wishes to explore her sexuality without being seen as a slut by others.  The solution of course (like the solution to so many things) is for a woman stop caring about what others think, because its none of their business who she has sex with.

However, some women instead react to the pressure by becoming the insatiable sluts they have already been pre-judged to be,

eminem the way i am

“I am whatever you say I am; if I wasn’t then why would I say I am?”

and even go so far as to delude themselves into believing that they are being liberated.  This is not me just making this up; Moore makes a similar assertion in her show when looking back on earlier promiscuity and how she justified it at the time as more than simply rebelling against her father.  Speaking of her father..

The Shame of Your Parents is a Motherfucker

The one time which she explicitly mentions her father is when she talks about overhearing him and her mother fighting about the crowd she had chosen to hang out with as a teenager.  Being raised a Mormon, hanging out with dudes who wore make-up apparently said a lot about her own sexuality, and she recalls hearing her father yell to her mother that she was “just a fat slut.”  She then laments that this was before she was even sexually active.  Or particularly fat.

Its funny how people’s expectations of you, particularly those of caregivers, can really influence  the course you pursue.  And when these expectations are in place alongside stringent moral standards regarding chastity, well I can only imagine the result is overwhelming for some people.  For my own part, I have often thought, “What if I had been born a girl?”  For starters, I used to drink quite a bit and go out to clubs and parties, seeking the attention of the opposite sex and looking to get laid.  I can only imagine how if I had been a girl I might have been much more successful in all of those endeavours to my own detriment.  It occurs to me that were I a girl I might have just been a fat drunk slut like so many others, but fate saw fit to give me a penis, and so society and I both regard me with a gentler eye.

Everyone is Just a Different Aspect of You

There is no artful way to say it, so I will just come out with it: I don’t find Cameryn Moore particularly physically appealing.  Furthermore, her attitudes toward toward sex, though some would call them progressive or liberated, unpleasantly remind me of an emptier time in my life where I didn’t place a particularly high value on my own sexuality and sought to just sleep with girls for the sake of bragging rights.  I will say that she is a gifted performer in that she is able to make herself completely vulnerable, but watching her show was like watching Requiem for a Dream; I saw it once and I don’t need to see it again.

In its own way, her detailing of her sexual misadventures and misuse of herself was like watching a WorldVision infomercial or a documentary about a bloody war.  Its like, “Here’s the society we enable and what we reduce people to.  A generation, nay, a society of people who don’t value themselves and aren’t valued by anyone else.”  In our own way, we are all fat sluts but we maintain a narrative that things are going according to some plan in the vain hope that we can convince ourselves of this by convincing enough of the others around us.

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Cameryn Moore made me doubt the validity of my own self-affirming narrative and I am still having trouble forgiving her for that.

***

If you get a chance to see Slut (R)evolution you definitely should.  You may not be as troubled by it as I was, but if you are … well we all need our conceptions shaken up from time to time.

Best,

-Andre Guantanamo

*“Find the truth that makes you squirm” was a piece of advice I read in a Men’s Health investment guide a few years back.  The logic was that when doing a financial self-assessment you don’t want to lull yourself into a false sense of security, but rather address the areas of your finances which might not be secure.

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Naivete Part Deux

My Friends,
   Back in August 2011 I wrote a post detailing how I tend to foolishly believe people when they have awesome ideas for adventures and express their intentions to carry out out these ideas (“Naivete and the Lonely Road Called ‘Follow-Through’,” 28 August 2011).  Well, there’s another aspect to my credulity which I have noticed over the past few years but which came up again in the last few days.
   To explain it, let me first ask a question: What does it mean to have a girlfriend/woman/wife?  If you asked me, I would say it was someone to be close and intimate with; someone to be devoted to and have good times with. Most importantly, it is someone who is (ideally) your best friend.  Now if you asked me that same question while my woman was present I would probably say it was someone to tease, make fun of and pick on, but that’s just how I flirt.

‘Stop Hitting Yourself’ is a favourite game of ours 

What I wouldn’t say is that a girlfriend/woman/wife is someone to fuck around on or whose trust you should break as opportunities present themselves.  Yet I am surprised by how commonplace this idea seems to some.
   Now to qualify my line of reasoning here, I am no angel; I have made mistakes in the past, I have tried (often abortively) to play the part of the pimp and ladies man with girls I was seeing/dating, but through it all I always had the idea that once things became official, that was it.  I mean why bother even calling someone a girlfriend or boyfriend if you’re gonna sleep around?
   This has come up in the past at times when I was going out with some friends and someone made a comment about hooking up with some girl when I knew he had a girlfriend.  Yet by bringing up his relationship status in response to his claims I only got a perplexed look.  Similarly, when someone would allude to all the ass I could get on a given night and I was like “naw, I got a girlfriend,” a look of disappointment and confusion would come across their face.  Now maybe people only said those things to hype up the evening, but if that’s what it takes to get excited for a night out why bother?
   Strip clubs are a bit of troublesome issue because all girls seem to have different opinions of them.  Fortunately, my woman and I are both of a similar mindset: you can look but don’t touch.

Pictures of strippers neatly break up the monotony of a wall of text

Not being much of a strip-club fiend at all, I still find myself reluctantly dragged to such establishments at least once a year for birthdays, stags, or whatever and I find myself disappointed in my fellow man every time, especially at stags.

This entry would be all but unreadable without some photographic aids

Where did this idea of “last night as a free man” come from?  Yeah, she may not be your wife yet but that doesn’t mean she’s not your girlfriend or fiance.  Yet the prevailing idea seems to be to get the bachelor’s dick wet and have him make as many regrettable mistakes as possible in one night.

Photos: Because picturing what a stripper looks like in your mind is hard

Hopefully he drinks enough that he doesn’t remember anything and doesn’t have to carry the shame of betraying the woman he ostensibly loves for the rest of his life.  For the record, should I ever do something as stupid as decide to get married and any of my friends reading this want to take me out for a bachelor party, I am down to get shit-faced, hop on a plane to anywhere in the world, do any drug, get arrested and fight a dude, but please don’t try to buy me a lap-dance or a hooker.
   But like I said in the first paragraph, such naivete on my part came up recently.  Specifically, someone was shocked to learn that I didn’t sleep around during my four months going around the world.  Not shocked because its something they would have expected of me, but because it is something they would have expected of themself.  I tried to explain that seeing the world was what I wanted to do, not cheat on my woman but they insinuated that I was pussy-whipped if I didn’t get my dinky stinky.  Needless to say this irked me, and not just because it came from someone whom I had heretofore looked up to.
   The way I see it, remaining faithful is a very liberating thing.  If you remain faithful you can justifiably expect behaviour up to the same standard from your partner and not have to worry about them fucking around on you.  If you fuck around, you’re always gonna expect the worst of others because you know what to expect from yourself.  Who needs that headache?  Of all the hardships I dealt with during my time away, the last thing on my mind was my woman cheating on me.  Yet some guys were struck with my lack of concern, which I think is very telling about their behaviour when the cat’s away.
   That’s all I really gotta say on the matter.  A younger me often felt pressure that if I remained faithful in the context of a Dudes Night Out I would be judged negatively by friends, kind of like how an undercover cop has to get high with the criminals he’s infiltrating or else they’ll feel they can’t trust him.

Cause it’s 1-8-7 on a undercover monogamist!
Now, a little older, a little more confident, I couldn’t give two fucks about what people might think about my wick-wick-wiggity-wack choice to remain faithful.  
   But to be clear, I am not advocating monogamy/faithfulness per se, but rather honesty, with yourself and others.  If you’re on the fuck bitches, get money tip then you got no business tricking someone into a serious relationship.  Conversely, if you are all about monogamous relationships, but unhappy in the one you got, don’t hang around the titty-bar or the chat-rooms looking to make some mistakes.  Instead dump that bitch and find someone who truly makes you happy.
Last pic so I had to make it especially classy

Stay Thirsty,
-Andre Guantanamo

   

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