…so I’m writing this instead. Straight from the hip, cut to the chase. I am going to be asking for a big favour soon and I feel good about that. I think I have a good shot of it being granted and I think I am wise enough to express myself truly and without artifice. As far as goal-setting goes, I said something today: I want to work so hard and so smartly and so successfully that when this favour is granted it will be irrelevant. HIgher things will have availed themselves to me. That’s a tall order but its puts this favour in proper context as one step in a staircase. The better a stairclimber I am, the less relevant one missing step is going to be in my progression upward.
Its gonna take time and attention; the two spiritual commodities. I can work and apply myself so hard and so diligently in the direction of mastery in one domain that proximal domains become lower rungs, helpful, but not necessary.
I can do this. I am as good as I have ever been. I can do anything. Mine is the drill that will pierce the heavens. #prettycorpseblues I gotta say it more because its my life. Its what I do. It’s who I am. Its the delicate balance of submitting to the universe but keeping a rebellious spark in my open, watchful eyes. If I keep my gaze trained on reality, it will eventually blink and then all bets are off.
But until it blinks, I watch it and outwardly submit to it. Learn its rules, play its game, biding my time like Nat Turner.
Reality is like a rude bitch; she wants to be taken by a man who knows when and how to strike and cow her. To fuck her?….forcefully? Maybe…
Reality wants you to put her in her place.
*Read this in Patrice O”Neal’s voice*
“Listen you, you…goofy bitch. I know what you’re tryina do. You tryna pimp me -And I AM gon’ LET you. You wanna come out at me callin’ me limp dick this or pathetic failure that? That’s cool, baby! I ain’t gon’ in’errupt you. But pretty soon you gonna run out of dumb shit to say, and plates to throw at me, and you just gonna stand there looking retarded….looking at everything YOU DESTROYED…and I. Am. Going. To. Simply smile. And hug you and you will feel like the idiot dum-dum you are and can’t help being and you will. Want. To. Fuck. Me. Then. And your dumbass is gonna feel guilty for your performance earlier and you will beg me to punish you. And because I am a man and I love I will. And then when we are done and you walkin’ stupid like a chicken, you are going to go into the kitchen and get me something to eat.”
Patrice didn’t say that, but I feel its a fairly faithful recreation os something he might say if he was talking to a woman…or reality.
RIP Patrice O’Neal