Back in August 2011 I wrote a post detailing how I tend to foolishly believe people when they have awesome ideas for adventures and express their intentions to carry out out these ideas (“Naivete and the Lonely Road Called ‘Follow-Through’,” 28 August 2011). Well, there’s another aspect to my credulity which I have noticed over the past few years but which came up again in the last few days.
To explain it, let me first ask a question: What does it mean to have a girlfriend/woman/wife? If you asked me, I would say it was someone to be close and intimate with; someone to be devoted to and have good times with. Most importantly, it is someone who is (ideally) your best friend. Now if you asked me that same question while my woman was present I would probably say it was someone to tease, make fun of and pick on, but that’s just how I flirt.
What I wouldn’t say is that a girlfriend/woman/wife is someone to fuck around on or whose trust you should break as opportunities present themselves. Yet I am surprised by how commonplace this idea seems to some.
Now to qualify my line of reasoning here, I am no angel; I have made mistakes in the past, I have tried (often abortively) to play the part of the pimp and ladies man with girls I was seeing/dating, but through it all I always had the idea that once things became official, that was it. I mean why bother even calling someone a girlfriend or boyfriend if you’re gonna sleep around?
This has come up in the past at times when I was going out with some friends and someone made a comment about hooking up with some girl when I knew he had a girlfriend. Yet by bringing up his relationship status in response to his claims I only got a perplexed look. Similarly, when someone would allude to all the ass I could get on a given night and I was like “naw, I got a girlfriend,” a look of disappointment and confusion would come across their face. Now maybe people only said those things to hype up the evening, but if that’s what it takes to get excited for a night out why bother?
Strip clubs are a bit of troublesome issue because all girls seem to have different opinions of them. Fortunately, my woman and I are both of a similar mindset: you can look but don’t touch.
Not being much of a strip-club fiend at all, I still find myself reluctantly dragged to such establishments at least once a year for birthdays, stags, or whatever and I find myself disappointed in my fellow man every time, especially at stags.
Where did this idea of “last night as a free man” come from? Yeah, she may not be your wife yet but that doesn’t mean she’s not your girlfriend or fiance. Yet the prevailing idea seems to be to get the bachelor’s dick wet and have him make as many regrettable mistakes as possible in one night.
Hopefully he drinks enough that he doesn’t remember anything and doesn’t have to carry the shame of betraying the woman he ostensibly loves for the rest of his life. For the record, should I ever do something as stupid as decide to get married and any of my friends reading this want to take me out for a bachelor party, I am down to get shit-faced, hop on a plane to anywhere in the world, do any drug, get arrested and fight a dude, but please don’t try to buy me a lap-dance or a hooker.
But like I said in the first paragraph, such naivete on my part came up recently. Specifically, someone was shocked to learn that I didn’t sleep around during my four months going around the world. Not shocked because its something they would have expected of me, but because it is something they would have expected of themself. I tried to explain that seeing the world was what I wanted to do, not cheat on my woman but they insinuated that I was pussy-whipped if I didn’t get my dinky stinky. Needless to say this irked me, and not just because it came from someone whom I had heretofore looked up to.
The way I see it, remaining faithful is a very liberating thing. If you remain faithful you can justifiably expect behaviour up to the same standard from your partner and not have to worry about them fucking around on you. If you fuck around, you’re always gonna expect the worst of others because you know what to expect from yourself. Who needs that headache? Of all the hardships I dealt with during my time away, the last thing on my mind was my woman cheating on me. Yet some guys were struck with my lack of concern, which I think is very telling about their behaviour when the cat’s away.
That’s all I really gotta say on the matter. A younger me often felt pressure that if I remained faithful in the context of a Dudes Night Out I would be judged negatively by friends, kind of like how an undercover cop has to get high with the criminals he’s infiltrating or else they’ll feel they can’t trust him.