It Wouldn’t be Christmas Without a Trip to the Police Station…

*Written Dec 24/11 in Chongqing, China

My Friends,
   I apologize for not having blogged since I left Israel.  Plenty has happened in that interval and merits telling but the internet in Central Asia is … complicated.  Rest assured that this is actually a blessing in disguise, as when I finally do get around to posting these omitted adventures at a later date, the filter of time will serve to edit out those which are far too mundane for a blog which proclaims itself to be as interesting as this one does.  (Note: this entry has been typed on hotmail and sent to a trustworthy colleague in N. America for posting to get around the filters here).
   Now, let’s get down to brass tacks.  I am currently sitting in a police station in Chongqing, China (pronounced “Chong-Ching” …pretty much the most racist sounding shit ever).  Now normally I dont frequent the police station unless they got me on a bogus murder rap (not guilty, yall got to feel me) but a peculiar series of events led me here.  For starters, I went to an internet cafe here in Chongqing to…um, internet and they insisted on seeing my Chinese ID card.  Since I was fresh out of one of those and they wouldnt take my passport as proof of my me-ness, one helpful patron insisted I follow him to a solution.  Since he spoke no English, communication was difficult but I gleaned from his gestures that we were going to get me a Chinese ID card.  Being a Canadian citizen and a first-time visitor with no Chinese blood to speak of I was dubious about our chances of success.  But after following him to three different police stations (each one insisting that the one we wanted to go to for ID cards was further up the road) we finally landed at the one I am at now.  However, the one lady here who speaks a bit of English confirmed what I suspected all along: I am not eligible for a Chinese ID card (although it would have made a dope souvenir).  
   This left me in a pickle as there is no public internets in China without an ID card and I had a flight home to book.  The police assured my frantic guide (he was a very excitable young chap with a limp in his left leg, no doubt sustained during a previous tragic foray into Chinese ID procurement) that I was taken care of then they arranged for me to use their internet for a couple of hours so I could conduct my affairs (book flight, xmas emails, etc…).  So I started typing out the draft for the entry you are reading right now while “Jianxing Q. Law” watched over my shoulder, but was interrupted when they invited me for dinner.  I said “sure” and they took me across the street to the copper chow hall.  It was beautiful: rice, noodles, different stir-frys and even DOG.  When they told me it was dog I was a little incredulous to be sure.  I remember thinking to myself “No, its not you f–king stereotypes!,” but they assured me it was.  I took the female-cop’s grimace and aversion to it as proof that it was something unkosher at the very least.  Dog it was. 
   So, thousands of miles away from home on Christmas Eve, away from my family and our yearly dinner, I still managed to have a Christmas feast of dog and rice with my second family, the Chongqing police force.  I tried to explain to my dinner mates that I never thought that I would be having dog for xmas dinner with the police, but with their poor grasp of English they just assumed I wanted more dog (which I did) and shovelled some more into my bowl.
   This has truly been the unlikeliest of Christmas miracles for me.  Missing Christmas has weighed heavily on me but the police really came through (They also let me play with their riot gear FTW) But if you will excuse me I have to go book a flight to Los Angeles for later this week. Yes, I will be taking a train the rest of the way to Shanghai tomorrow morning, having only hitch-hiked part of the way.  And after a few days there I will be flying back to North America to begin the last leg of my trip.  I wont be getting any more internets till LA But I will be sure to do some catching up where possible.
   To those back home and everywhere else; have a very merry Christmas.  I hope you enjoy time with your family and some amazing food.  I look forward to seeing you all when I get back.  Dog Bless us Everyone!
Stay Thirsty,
-Andre Guantanamo







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